Paw Broon - It's all doon the hill fae here

They're nae mugs, these Faroes. Just look at their history. Ah mean tae say, they once ruled over the whole of Egypt when it wis the maist powerful country in the world.

Yon Tuttenkhamun bozo wis probably their best kent player in them days and he wis that revered they worshipped him like a god apparently, a bit like Denis Law in the 60's.

Ah'm no too sure why they left Egypt and emigrated north tae inhabit a few bits ay rock in the North Atlantic, mind, but ah wid guess that it hud sumthin tae dae wi the whales.

See, ye'll no find any whales in Egypt noo, cos the Faroes slaughtered them all intae extinction, and they were probably left wi nae choice but tae find sumwhere else wi a plentiful supply whit they could set oot tae massacre.

These days, the Faroes are the undisputed world champions of their national sport of Whale Hacking and it's a sight tae behold when they're in full attacking flow. The rules are straightforward - first ye lure a whale intae the shallow water, presumably wi promises of a fish supper an a few nips ay schnapps, then once he's in there ye block his way back oot tae sea wi a big long net across the bay. Then everybody fae the nearest toon jumps intae the water wi machetes and hacks the bastard tae death. Brilliant fun fer aw the family.

It wis actually a whale whit wrote that fillum "Curse of the Faroes".

Ah tell ye, wi fuckin psycho animals like that tae contend wi', Scotland were lucky tae escape wi their lives, never mind a draw.

So well done boys an' well done Berti. An perhaps noo, the press'll stop goin' on and on aboot the 1-1 result fae ma time in charge.

Ah huv called Berti tae thank him fer that, but ah think he must have been pissed off aboot sumthin or other, for he just telt us tae "stick ma sarcastic comments up ma arse".

His grasp of spoken Scottish is definitely improving with every game. Shame we cannae say the same aboot his tactics or his team's performances though, eh?