Paw Broon - It's all doon the hill fae here

A poor display and jammy last-minute victory against a diddy team fae somewhere that used tae be a wee part of Russia followed swiftly by a good old-fashioned gubbing at the hands (or feet) of a proper fitba team.

Ah yes, after the outrageous and absurd victory over France, which only served tae raise expectation tae entirely unrealistic levels, Big Eck has come in and restored tae our game the traditional Scottish values of winning ugly against dross and losing predictably tae quality teams. Much better that way - everybody kens where they stand.

The scoreline from Bari reads 2-0 but in the words of the great Bill Shankly or whoever it was whit said it, “we wur bloody lucky tae get nothing”.

And tae be honest, “nothing” is aboot all ah huv tae add tae that. The less said the better.

At least James MacFadden is due back soon, a player ah once described as being “100% temperamental – that’s 50% temper and 50% mental”. So while ah’m on the subject of quotes fae football people wi questionable intelligence, here’s just a few o’ ma all-time favourites;

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between.' - GARY LINEKER

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.' - IAN RUSH

'Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.' - VINNY JONES

'He'd no alternative but to make a needless tackle.' - PAUL ELLIOTT

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.' - GRAEME LE SAUX

'I was disappointed to leave Spurs, but quite pleased that I did.' - STEVE PERRYMAN

'I spent four indifferent years at Goodison, but they were great years.' - MARTIN HODGE

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe that we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.' - PETER SHILTON

'I'm not convinced that Scotland will play a typically English game.' - GARETH SOUTHGATE

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.' - STUART PEARCE

'I can't promise anything, but I promise 100%.' - PAUL POWER

'All the Leeds team are 100% behind the manager,but I can't speak for the rest of the squad.' - BRIAN GREENHOFF

'My legs sort of disappeared from nowhere.' - CHRIS WADDLE

'I may have handed in a transfer request, but there is no way that I want to leave this club.' - DAVID EYRES

'The boss keeps those things up his sleeve, close to his chest' - CRAIG BURLEY

'I'm five short [of the Arsenal goalscoring record] - not that I'm counting.' - IAN WRIGHT

'The manager has given us unbelievable belief.' - PAUL MERSON

'If you're 0-0 down, there's no-one better to get you back on terms then Ian Wright.' - ROBBIE EARLE

'You don't need balls to play in a cup final.' - STEVE CLARIDGE

'Once you've had a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I've got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog.' - JULIAN DICKS

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.' - BARRY VENISON

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.' - IAN WRIGHT

'If it's not a contract I want then I won't sign it. That's not a threat.' - ROY KEANE

'I can't even remember when the Seventies was.' - ROBBIE KEANE

'The groin's been a little sore but after the semi-final I put it to the back of my head.' - MICHAEL HUGHES

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable' - PAUL GASCOIGNE

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.' - ALAN SHEARER

'I always dreamt of playing for a club like Manchester United, and now here I am at Liverpool.' - SANDER WESTERVELD

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.' - JONATHAN WOODGATE

'My motivation and my back no longer exist.' - MARTIN DAHLIN

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.' - STEVE LOMAS

'Paul Scholes - the most complete mental player I've ever seen.' - BEN THORNLEY

'...the ball went over mine and Colin Calderwood's heads and who should be there at the far post but yours truly - Alan Shearer.' - COLIN HENDRY

'In football, you don’t really know what is going on but we will worry about that when it happens.' - NEIL SULLIVAN

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.' - UGO EHIOGU

'It will be a difficult couple of days. It's difficult now and it will be difficult tomorrow.' - GARY NEVILLE

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.' - MARK VIDUKA

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.' - NEVILLE SOUTHALL

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.' - LEE HENDRIE

'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.' - PHIL NEVILLE

'Left alone with our own heads on, we can be pretty mental' - TONY ADAMS

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.' - ALAN SHEARER

'We all know that promotion is the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - MARK YARDLEY

'I don't make predictions. I never have done and I never will do.' - IAN WRIGHT

'My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7' - DAVID BECKHAM

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'There's no way the future's over for Martin Keown, Tony Adams or David Seaman.' - ALAN SHEARER

'We lost because we didn't win.' - RONALDO

'It was like deja vu all over again.' - SHAKA HISLOP

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football.' - LES FERDINAND

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing' - ADE AKINBIYI

'If you make the right decision, it’s normally going to be the correct one.' - DAVE BEASANT

'Everything in our favour was against us' - DANNY BLANCHFLOWER

'We could be putting the hammer in Luton's coffin' - RAY WILKINS

'If you stand still there is only one way to go, and that's backwards.' - PETER SHILTON

'You only get one opportunity of an England debut' - ALAN SHEARER

'The championship is the carrot at the end of the championship' - TONY COTTEE

'That was in the past - we’re in the future now' - DAVID BECKHAM

'It was a game of two halves, literally.' - CHRIS POWELL

'It's a no-win game for us. Although I suppose we can win by winning.' - GARY DOHERTY

'I was both surprised and delighted to take the armband for both legs.' - GARY O'NEIL

'I was really surprised when the FA knocked on my doorbell' - MICHAEL OWEN

'Wayne Rooney can go all the way to the top if he keeps his head firmly on the ground' - DAVID UNSWORTH

'It's great to get the first trophy under the bag' - MICHAEL OWEN

'I thought from start to finish we really started well' - JOHN HARTSON

'I've always been a childhood Liverpool fan, even when I was a kid' - HARRY KEWELL

'It’s going to be difficult for me - I've never had to learn a language and now I do.' - DAVID BECKHAM

'He’s started anticipating what’s going to happen before it’s even happened' - GRAEME LE SAUX

'We seem to be a side that if we don't score we get beat' - JASON MCATEER

'In the last ten minutes I was breathing out of my arse' - CLINTON MORRISON

'It's not just the manager who makes the decision, it's the player who makes the decision. They both decide fifty-fifty to make a decision.' - RUUD VAN NISTELROOY

'Over the years a lot of great players have left United - I'm sure the same will happen to me one day.' - ROY KEANE

'I thought from start to finish we really started well.' - JOHN HARTSON