Ah could have telt the wee Kraut.
It wiz never gonnae happen. Big
Dunc will never put a Scotland top oan again (unless they
start issuin' them in Barlinnie …. shit, ah wish ah
hud'nae said that).
Little did wee Berti know that
ah bugged his office for the phone call to Big Dunc. Exclusive
tae FirstFooters is the following transcript:
| Berti: |
Gutten morgen Herr Fergusson |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Whit? |
| |
|
| Berti: |
It is German for Good Morning
Mr Fergusson |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Aye, right. |
| |
|
| Berti: |
(puts on record with Kenneth
McKellar singing Scotland the Brave in the background)
- Herr Ferguson, canz I callz you Duncanz? |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Nuh. |
| |
|
| Berti: |
(changes the record to Flower
of Scotland) I havez had und vision. Ze visionz is of
you Herr Fergusson. Ze visionz is of you scoring ze
winning goalz in ze World Cup Final. Herr Fergusson,
your country needz you. Will you play for mine Scotch
team? |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Nuh. |
| |
|
| Berti: |
(turning the volume up slightly)
Herr Fergusson, you arez scoring ze goalz against ze
English. You arez going to be ze national hero of Scotlandz.
Herr Fergusson, you have und destiny. Canz you feel
it? |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Nuh. |
| |
|
| Berti: |
(a slight note of exasperation
creeping into his voice) Herr Fergusson, you arez a
man of few wordz. Iz there anythingz I can do to changes
your mind. |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Nuh. |
| |
|
| Berti: |
Well Herr Fergusson, ich hoffen
dein nächstes scheiß ist ein Hektisch ausweischen. |
| |
|
| Big
Dunc: |
Whit? |
| |
|
And there, the interview ended.
Ah huv it oan good authority that Berti's last pronouncement
means "I hope yer next shite is a hedgehog".
And ah hope so too. Yer a bampot
Dunc.
|
