International friendly
Scotland	0	3	Hungary

The good news is, this game didnae take place. So that’s a relief.

“Whit the feck are ye talkin aboot, Paw?” ah can hear ye say.

Well, ah’ll tell ye.

Ah decided tae see whit the papers hud tae say aboot the game and, in a moment o’ madness, ah picked up a copy of that most even-handed English journal of world events, The Guardian.

The Guardian Sports supplement of Thursday 19th August 2004 runs tae nae fewer than 24 pages and covers every sporting event imaginable from synchronised nose-picking tae the mixed-doubles results in the Rutland County Welly-throwing Championships.

International fitba, ye wid think, should be well catered for.

Sure enough, the front page and pages two and three were dedicated tae in-depth analysis of England’s glorious victory over the mighty Ukraine and Beckham’s reinstatement to God status. Page four wis evenly split between reports of Wales’ triumph in Latvia, Northern Ireland’s creditable draw in Switzerland and the Republic of Ireland’d draw with Bulgaria.

But, Scotland V Hungary? Not a feckin word. Not even a listing of the result.

Fair enough, there isnae that much ye can say aboot this latest failure, except perhaps that it marked yet another record-breaking moment in Berti’s reign as manager, being Scotland’s heaviest home defeat since 1973 when Willie Ormond was in charge.

So, here’s a few words o’ ma own tae sum it up.

Woeful. Inadequate. Dire. Unacceptable. Awful. Forgettable.

On the whole then, ah think ah wid prefer tae stick wi’ the Guardian’s take on this one.

It never happened.