Friendly International
Scotland	1	2	Nigeria
Dailly

See that Christian Dailly? He's wan ae ma boys. Scored a goal an all.

But ma biggest question aboot this game is "who the feck were aw they other wee laddies runnin' aroond in blue shirts?"

Didnae recognise half ae thae buggers.

How did naebody tell me we hud guys that could play wi a football, even if their average age wiz only 13?

Fer 40 minutes we were brilliant and took the pisss ootay a world class team. Only trouble wiz, for 50 they took the piss ootay us.

See? Jist six minutes ay piss-taking - that's the difference 'tween success and failure at this level. The boys'll soon learn.

Which brings me neatly tae Duncan Ferguson. The six minutes his ma wasted drapping that lanky shite oan the bathroom flair at birth wiz jist such a wastay time.

Dinnae get me wrong - it's no that ah'm bitter. It's just that ah cannae understand why big Dunkie Ferguson still refuses tae play fer his country just because he goat arrested and imprisoned for a violent and unprovoked assault that happened tae be oan a fitba pitch many years ago.

The boy got caught (on national TV). The boy paid his dues and did his time. Life goes on.

No for Drunken Ferguson apparently.

In the spirit ae new beginnings Bertii huz asked him tae be the cutting edge ae the brave new Scotland team he's building. Duncan disorderly says no, and tells the manager tae stick it up his arse.

As a Scotland supporter and ex-manager who wid walk ower hot coals simply tae see my country play, I now feel that the time is right tae tell ye exactly whit I think aboot that kinday treason.

Tae be asked tae represent yer country is the highest honour that can be bestowed on any individual.

Tae turn that honour down in a childish wee huff because yer football association (the chief members of which have long since retired) refused tae condone yer own stupid act of thuggery witnessed by millions is utter shite.

Ye're supposed tae be a grown-uppy type noo, Duncan.

Wiz it the SFA that nutted that guy?

Naw. It wiz you, ya mindless bampot.

The message from "Berti's Babes" and a Tartan Army who were always prepared to forgive and forget is simple.

Fuck off Fergie. We don't want you any more.

As far as we're concerned, you might as well be English.

Goodbye.