A new generation of immigrants to Scotland get their first glimpse of the Scott Monument

As usual the politicians have got it all wrong.

Scotland's population is decreasing. The population is ageing and the numbers of young people is falling through the floor.

And what's the answer from the Scottish Executive?

It's to invite lots of foreigners to come to our wee country for a stay. Don't speak English? No matter, neither do we.

Not that we have anything against foreigners, with the exception of the usual suspect. The Scots are a warm people. Usually several layers of woollen undergarments sees to that.

But as usual, the Executive have missed the obvious solution. So, in the absence of common sense politicians ( an oxymoron in any case), FirstFoot is pleased to announce our campaign to increase the Scottish population.

The Campaign Renewing Aged Populations has a simple proposition at it's core:

SEX

Not our first choice as Minister for Sex

FirstFoot proposes the creation of a Department of Sex and the appointment of a Minister for Sex. We would prefer it not to be Mary Mulligan, the Labour MSP for Linlithgow who has a demeanour that would sterilise a man at 100 yards.

Additionally, we advocate the opening of a national network of sex shops where practical advice about sex would be dispensed personally by the MSP's for that particular area, on a full-time basis.

With MSP's fully occupied in the important task of encouraging us to procreate, they would have no use for the new Parly building which would be turned into Scotland's first Palace of Pleasure.

The Palace of Pleasure would be a young persons hedonistic utopia. Drink, drugs, loud music and anything else that encourages them to do what they enjoy lots. Getting smashed and making babies.

End of problem.